How to deal with your mind when it does things you don’t want it to?

How to deal with your mind when it does things you don’t want it to?

By now you’ve probably heard plenty about the subconscious mind. You might even know that your subconscious mind is driving 95% of what you think and do.

You’ve probably seen this image a bunch of times:

But now what? How can you use this information to actually create positive change in your thinking and deal with your mind when it is doing things you don’t want it to.

Have you ever found yourself repeating old frustrating patterns that bring you unsatisfying results?

Have you ever noticed the way you speak to yourself in self-defeating ways?

Have you found yourself being hyper-sensitive and defensive in your relationships?

Does your need to be perfect prevent you from doing things you want to do?

You might be surprised to know that the things that you do that are unsatisfying and self-sabotaging are actually ways your mind is trying to protect you. Inside of you is a little 5-year-old. The things that you understood to be true between the ages of 1-7 are the things you are playing out now even if they are no longer needed or relevant.

Why is this?

This is because your subconscious mind is incredibly powerful and it is determining your behaviours and responses based on deeply held beliefs. It is running the show of your life which means that even if you are aware of what isn’t feeling good on a conscious level it isn’t enough to change what is happening at an unconscious level.

If you want to create positive and healthy mental and emotional states, yet you find yourself repeating the things you swore you were ready to stop doing- your subconscious is your golden ticket.

What you need to know about your subconscious:

  • It controls 95% of what you think and do.
  • Once the subconscious accepts an idea, it will begins to execute it.
  • The subconscious is keeping you alive without your needing to think about (your heart beat, your breath, your digestion)- its aim it to keep you alive and to protect you.
  • The subconscious believes whatever you consciously tell yourself. This means that the thoughts you repeat to yourself are talking straight to your subconscious.
  • The subconscious mind perceives by intuition, it is where your emotions and memories are held.
  • Your subconscious mind performs its highest function when the conscious mind is not functioning. So, when the conscious mind is in a sleepy or drowsy state the subconscious is activated.
  • Your subconscious beliefs will dictate the events in your life- so if you believe you are not worthy of love, you will attract situations that reinforce that belief. If you tell yourself you are not good at learning new things as a protective mechanism for fear of looking stupid – your subconscious will find plenty of strategies to sabotage your efforts to learn new things so that you don’t have to look stupid.
  • Your subconscious mind is the seat of your habits.
  • The subconscious mind is very suggestive to suggestions.

Here are a few hacks you can use on your own to get your subconscious on board with your desires.

First: How do you want to feel?


At work, in your relationships, with money, at public speaking, at learning new things, when you are alone?

Write it down! Get clear on what you want to experience.


Understand that until you access your treasured golden ticket- your subconscious, you will find it difficult to break free of those old frustrating patterns that bring you unsatisfying results.

Second: Pay Attention


Start to notice when you are being self-deprecating, and notice the disconnect & lack of harmony between how you want to feel and the things you say to yourself.

Here is an example: If you have a thought like: “this is never going to work out, I am so bad at these types of things.” Notice it, pause, and even better, take a deep breath…, I am going to give you a little uncommon mind hack- don’t bother with automatically saying the opposite. “This is going to work out, I am good at these things” 5 x fast.

“This is going to work out, I am good at these things”

“This is going to work out, I am good at these things”

“This is going to work out, I am good at these things”

“This is going to work out, I am good at these things”

“This is going to work out, I am good at these things”

That doesn’t work without other techniques combined….you need to go beyond simply repeating a positive phrase (more on that later).

Third: Do nothing- just be curious


Rather, just notice the things you say to yourself with curiosity. And for now, don’t do anything about it.

Fourth: Do a little digging


Now, begin to explore… why do you believe things will not work out for you ? Where did you learn that? Did someone teach that to you ? Was it a misinterpretation turned life long self-belief sucker ?

For example: If you think, “I am never going to meet the love of my life”. First do a little digging- why do you believe that? Deep down you might uncover a deeply held sensation of feeling unlovable or unworthy of love. Simply bringing awareness and understanding to your little 5 year old fear is going to create a big A-HA moment.

Fifth: So you have more information- now what ?


This is the part that many people get stuck at. They know why.

  • Their mother was demanding and made them feel like they never did anything right, now they always feel like their efforts are under par and avoid taking risks toward their dreams.
  • Their father was controlling and didn’t give them any space to choose for themselves so now they are paralysed by indecisiveness.
  • Their mother smothered them and now they can’t stand to be too close in relationships (avoidant attachment) because they fear losing their freedom.
  • Their brother’s ignored them and now they are hyper vigilant when someone doesn’t appear to be listening to them.

Now what ?

It is time to heal those fractured parts. Those old self-diminishing beliefs that keep you small, keep you unhappy, keep you unhealthy, keep you lonely, keep you defensive, and keep you in conflict with yourself and others.


You can do a lot of self-work on your own with the right techniques.

Awareness: Keep noticing when the thought or emotion arises that is self-diminishing. Keep pausing and taking a deep breath. Do that until you feel you have developed your self -observation muscle. So you can spot this tendency before it even arise to the surface. The more you observe yourself the more you will get really familiar with your ways- bringing the unconscious to consciousness.

Connect with your inner child: When you are in the heat of a triggering moment – step outside of yourself and ask yourself what does your little 5 year old want? Well maybe she is 7, or 12…why is she reacting this way? Does she need to be accepted, or loved, or supported? Stopping in those moments and observing your deeper needs can bring a level of maturity and calm to those moments of emotional discomfort. Then, give yourself what you need. If you need to be loved. Place your hands on your heart and take a deep breath. Visualize sending a beautiful sacred energy into your heart.

Change your words: Your subconscious is listening to you- so begin to be conscious of how you speak to yourself- bring consciousness into your words.

Contact your subconscious: You can communicate to your subconscious by writing a letter, and asking what you really need.

Stay tuned for the next post on self-hypnosis.


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